Contact

I have foster kids, or those soon to be foster kids, contact me from time to time, and they are so frightened. Who can blame them? Their stories are all different, yet their fears achingly similar. They have so many questions and are looking for something to hang hope upon. The stress these kids are under is crushing. The 'system' that is supposed to help these kids need to do a better job at reassuring them, and especially keeping them up to date with what is going on. They need to let these new foster kids talk to a specialist who will listen and who is compassionate. They need someone to talk to, to tell their fears to, to tell their dreams to, and to understand them. I do what I can, and I find myself in tears because of how much pain comes through in their e-mails and questions. The child protection system needs to wake up, and do their part in providing mounds of support and safety for these kids. They are so ready to take these children away from everything familiar, but it doesn't end there. That is only the beginning. Once these children become wards of the state, their livelihood and futures are in the hands of the various welfare personnel. These kids are not numbers, not just statistics, they are fragile, broken, innocent beings who need to be nourished physically and emotionally.

While it can be emotionally draining to listen to these kids problems when they contact me, I love that they do. I may only be able to provide a sympathetic ear, but every little bit counts. I just wish it wasn't necessary.

Foster Children and Anxiety

The majority of foster parents begin thinking about fostering children because they want to help them. They want to take a helpless, abused child into their home and provide the love and attention these children never received at home. They may envision a perfect happy family, with their foster children beaming with joy. Some of them walk into this with high expectations and the belief that with love, they can fix all the child's problems. If only it was that easy...

Most foster children are a bundle of nerves. They do not respond like 'normal' children. Their brains do not always work the way one would think it should. Children with the same abusive background do not all react the same, either. While one child my fly into a blind rage another may completely withdraw. What works for one child may have the opposite effect on another. No matter how prepared a foster parent is, they often find themselves overwhelmed with the challenges they face on a day to day basis.

What this all comes down to is patience, understanding, and a very good therapist. Therapy is a must, but not with some 'quack' who's answer is to pop some pills into the childs mouth and dumb them down to the point that they can't respond. This is no answer, this is drugging. If you are a foster parent, or are considering becoming one, please remember that these children deserve the best life has to offer.
Be patient, study their reactions, be someone they can safely confide in, and provide them with a professional to talk to, who will help them work through their past without throwing a handful of psychotropic drugs at them.

A great site that explains the anxiety problems of foster children is found here.

A Comment Worth Posting

I recently received this comment, and I'd like to give these people some 'blog love'. their website is beautiful, and their mission even more so:

I saw your post and totally agree. I'm in a band called Sword & Spirit and I'm also a foster parent who has adopted five beautiful children out of the system.

My band has been writing songs for and about children in the system for 10 years now - trying to raise awareness.

We started a music mentoring program where we give free guitars and music lessons to children in foster care. We recently completed our 3rd CD, ‘Eye of The Dreamer’ and gave away over 400 copies to Vermont foster and adoptive families and children!

Our mission is two fold…
One: Create a heightened sense of awareness within our communities to the needs of foster children and the adults that care for them.

Two: Develop and promote projects through music and the arts that reach out and effect positive change in the lives of foster children and their families

If you are interested in our music or learning more about our cause please check out our web site Sword & Spirit.

I don't like my foster child...

On another site, I would look at the search terms that lead to that page so I can better understand what people are looking for. One of the search terms I see on occasion is 'I don't like my foster child'. The first time I saw it, I got a little upset that someone could feel like that. I've seen it several more times since, and I am able to put it into perspective now.

Honestly, the fact that someone is trying to find a solution to that is commendable. We are all different, and have different likes and dislikes. It stands to reason that not every foster child is not going to be liked by their foster parent. It would be so easy for that foster parent to call up the social worker and tell them to 'come get this kid'. Instead, I think it is probably the person who genuinely cares for the plight of foster children who will first search for a way to work things out.

When I see this search term again, I think I'll send a little prayer up to heaven for that person and the child. While I don't have the solution to that problem, there is a Higher Power that does.

Mother's/ Father's Day

Mother and Father's Day has come and gone...and my thoughts drifted to the foster children. I can remember not feeling much of anything on those days. I remember acting like I was okay and they meant nothing to me, but you know how it is in grade-school when the teachers have these craft projects for your 'parents'. Well, today they are sometimes called your 'guardians' because of all the different family situations, but for those of us who lived with strangers, it was a little difficult.
Today, I don't care much for mother's day. For some reason, it is stressful for me. My children try to save up and buy me something, and I tell them that just all of us being together with a pizza and a good movie is perfect for me. They didn't always understand why I would rather have that than something store-bought, because I never talked about being a foster child to them, and still don't. As a matter of fact, I don't talk about it to anyone who knows me, only here.

Statistically Speaking...

On average, 500,000 children are in foster care in any given year. Of these, only about 50,000 are adopted and an average of 130,000 are waiting to be adopted. The rest are returned to their families. This is just in America alone. There are children in foster care all over the world, children whose lives are torn apart before even getting to foster care. Unfortunately, we cannot control who gives birth to children, and while we may try, we cannot always control the actions of the foster parents. Regardless of this, there are 500,000 children in America who have learned that life isn't fair, and they don't know why. They have learned to feel insecure, and they may never recover from those feelings. Children all over the world are suffering because of the failures of adults. We believe we are so enlightened, so ultra-modern, so intelligent, yet hundreds of thousands of children suffer. How sad....

Eye-opening Video

Some of the struggles foster children and former foster children face. Sad video...